"The First Day Of Class"
I remember it so clearly - my first day as a freshman at Xavier University. I can honestly say that I was more excited than afraid. I guess I kinda figured that the worst was over. After all, I had already gone through the agony of the audition process for the music dept. My parents weren't exactly elated over my choice to be a music major, but they didn't really have much room to complain either: Not only was I attending their alma mater, but my parents didn't have to pay a dime. I had a - full tuition - academic scholarship from the university itself, plus other scholarship money to cover my books and miscellaneous expenses. There was a sense of relief within me... I had made it. It took a lot of courage and hard work, but I made it. Now I was going to get the opportunity to learn and grow with the world renowned musical staff of Xavier University! It could only get easier... right?
Wrong. And, unfortunately, being wrong was becoming a habit. I don' t think that anything could have prepared me for what was to come.
On the first day of class, I met my adviser. She handed me my schedule, and as I looked upon it, I felt overwhelmed with happiness. The schedule consisted almost entirely of music classes. While my other friends had to take hours of "core curriculum" before finally delving into their passion, I was lucky enough to immediately begin with a myriad of music classes. "This is gonna be so easy!" I thought to myself... But like I said before, being wrong was fast becoming a trend for me that year.
It's so funny, when I think back upon my expectations at the time. I had the crazy idea that I would be eased in. I thought we'd start off each class with introductions, and maybe read over a syllabus or two. I figured that I knew what to expect; I had taken college classes at Xavier before, when I was still a senior in high school (I told you I was a nerd. lol). However, my music professors had a very different perspective.
We hit the ground running, and didn't stop. My first class - concert choir. It was supposed to be a breeze. WHY WAS I ALWAYS SO WRONG!?
Let me explain: After a brief (VERY brief) introduction by our professor, Dr. Ware, we immediately began singing. And with that, any lingering sense of confidence that remained within me evaporated into thin air. Every one around me sounded as if they were personally trained by God! And I felt like was on the verge of having a panic attack. You guys still don't get it, I'm sure. I was one of three freshman in the class. The other 20 students were upper classmen.
I'll start at the beginning:
"Let's warm-up," announced Dr. Ware. "Ok, I can warm-up," I thought. This was supposed to be the easy part...*sigh*... you guessed it; I was wrong.
Dr. Ware proceeded to play the most complex coloratura warm-up that I had ever heard in my life - Nothing but melismas (ornate musical phrases a.k.a. runs/riffs). Each intricate series of notes seemed to taunt me, as he continued up the scale. The scariest part... EVERY vocalist around me sang it perfectly. Every tone was rich, full, and resonant - pitch perfect. They sounded like seasoned professionals. Hell, they sounded better! I turned to look at the other two freshmen to see if they, too, were intimidated. No; They were fine. Not sounding quite as good as the juniors and seniors, but holding their own. It was just me who sucked. I was flat on every note, and I could hear it but I couldn't control it. The notes were moving so fast! "How the hell are these guys staying on pitch?" I thought to myself. My voice felt so sluggish and pinched all of the sudden. Their voices were so full and free. "How could I ever hope to sound like that?" I thought. "Dad was right! I don't have that kind of talent; I just don't. My dad was right. Coming here was a mistake." Listening to the others, I felt a strange combination of awe, admiration, jealousy... and hopelessness. Reality was beating down my morale, as I came to the honest realization that I was nowhere near their level of skill or talent.
"Kenny. Let me hear you." Dr. Ware pointed to a student to my left. Kenny was a senior, a baritone. Dr. Ware was starting with the Baritone section. I was baritone! "Aww damn!" My heart sank into my stomach. Kenny opened his mouth to sing the melismatic phrase. His voice was so powerful, that it startled me. I felt myself jump in surprise. I had never heard anything like it in person, yet it sounded familiar. The sound was so resonant and rich; his voice rang like a bell. Like an opera singer, but better. I envied his calm demeanor. I envied his self assuredness. He was so relaxed; This was EASY to him. "Good, but remember to maintain your placement and support on the E flat," instructed Dr. Ware. "What?" Those instructions sounded like Greek to me.
Dr. Ware pointed to the next guy in my row. "John. sing." John was the Junior who was standing right next to me. The sound of his virtuoso singing voice was like a death blow to my already crippled self-esteem. Imagine that Luther Vandross and Whitney Houston had a son... now imagine that their son was given vocal steroids every day, since birth... That was John. His tone was just plain perfect - extremely rich and powerful, and yet it was somehow light and agile. He was a freak of nature.
Finally, it was my turn. "Eric" he said, and then he nodded. My voice came forth in a squeezed, flat sound. It completely lacked the warmth and fullness of the other guys in my section. My tone was slightly nasal and flat on the top notes. I could see some of the seniors in the corner of my eye snickering and covering their mouths as they held back laughter. I felt humiliated and defeated. No one believed that I deserved to be there - not my parents, or my friends, my brothers, not even my old high school teachers. Again I asked myself the question, "What made me think that I could do this!? Am I crazy?"
For years I would feel butterflies just thinking about that first concert choir class. Even now, I can still remember the feeling so clearly... Anyway... back to the story...
I struggled through the rest of the day, finding temporary relief in my "regular" classes, like English Lit. I was the only freshman in an english class full of seniors. I had already tested out of my first two english classes (I told you guys that I was a nerd. lol). Now this was something that I could do. "Why am I fighting this?" I thought. "Look at yourself. Reading books and writing papers are easy for you. Why not be a doctor or a lawyer? This singing thing is just not for you."
I felt so angry at myself for not being better, and I felt jealous of the other music majors. The music department was very clique driven. Those who were most talented and skilled hung together and made fun of the less adept (that would be me). So not only was I failing at my dreams, but I was being made fun of for it. It was like I was back in Junior high.
My last class of the day was Applied Voice (One on one voice lesson) with Dr. Ware - the same man who tormented me in concert choir. I walked in the room and - almost immediately - he said, "You're gonna have to develop a thicker skin." I was surprised by his insight, as if he knew what I was thinking. "Your instrument is awesome; You just don't know how to use it." "But even as you get better, others will still try to tear you down. It's part of being an artist. So if you can't handle that, then maybe you should quit now." I was shocked... "Do you think I should quit?" I asked, afraid to hear his answer. "It doesn't matter what I think. You have to know that you can do this. Though I will tell you this, Eric. You could be good. Really good! You're not good now! (he said laughingly) But you could be, if you WORK!"
"You're very smart, Eric. That's one of the main reasons that I chose you as my student. Smart people do well in music. I know you've got a lot of brain power. Now apply it to understanding what I'm about to teach you. Do what I say, and you will be good... maybe even great. You need to get out of the way of your own voice."
Finally... a glimmer of hope. In my ENTIRE life, up to that point, no one had ever even stated out loud the possibility that I might one day be a great singer. I felt a fire ignite within me... I had an epiphany... It was as if I was suddenly recovering from amnesia... I suddenly remembered with the utmost clarity - " I'm Eric Arceneaux! I'm not a 'regular' person. I can fucking do ANYTHING! " **This attitude would sustain me and bring me success throughout my entire college career. lol**
So, in my first lesson with Dr. Ware, I threw myself head first into training. Dr.Ware had a passion for technique that rivaled my own, and I was a sponge. The foundation of his technique - "sing on the breath, into the space." "If you take an expansive breath, then you get an expansive sound." This was new to me. I had read books and articles about breathing technique, but in my past - as a speech level singing technique student - breathing was neglected almost entirely. Though I had never before tried to put the skill of deep breathing into practice, I still understood it in my head as a result of my readings.
It was in my first lesson with Dr. Ware that I realized something. I had a talent for technique and for understanding the voice. I was extremely aware of my body in a way that many people are not. I was able to catch on to new skills and vocal techniques at a rapid pace. Everything he said made sense to me, as I instinctively blended his teachings with knowledge that I had acquired before - both from other instructors and from books.
Learning to lean on my body for support(instead of my neck) took time to master, but I immediately made great progress. My book smarts came in handy, as I was continually able to combine all of Dr. Ware's teachings with my academic knowledge of anatomy and voice science.
Dr. Ware taught me that singing was an athletic feat. " You sing with your whole body," he would say. "You expand the torso, and simultaneously relax the throat open, and then you sing into the open pharyngeal space (throat space). " To my surprise, and his, I immediately understood these concepts. I was definitely still kinda shaky on executing them consistently, but my voice opened up in a very noticeable way. The two main concepts that changed things around for me:
1) The expansive breath. I had a nasty habit of using my neck muscles to control my sound. I couldn't get off of my neck. Dr. Ware made me stand with my back against a wall, and punched me in the stomach as a sang an "Ah" vowel sound. "What are you doing!" I yelled. "Sing," he said. He gestured towards his stomach and flexed his abdomen. "Oh, I get it." I tightened my abs as he punched my stomach. To my surprise, the focus on my stomach took away much of the tightness in my neck. But Dr. Ware wasn't finished yet. He them extended his arm and placed his fist against my stomach, and leaned his entire body into my abdomen. It was extreme, but the sound that resulted from the pressure of his body weight, surprised us both. My voice was huge! **Do not try this at home!!!** He made me realize that, all this time, I had been holding back 80% of my voice with neck tension. I couldn't believe it. ***I would later learn that tightening the abdominal muscles is not exactly the best course of action for long-term vocal health. But, in this instance, it served its purpose by drawing my awareness away from my neck and, instead, making me aware of my body.***
2) Ringing louder than you sing. This concept meant that, instead of pushing outwards for volume, you concentrated on focusing the voice and creating resonance for a full ringy sound. He had me focus on creating space in the back of my throat by triggering a yawn feeling. Then instructed me to focus my sound into that space in the back of my throat, and letting it echo. The result was a brilliant sound that filled the whole room. Still, it was hard to control, unless I really focused all of my energy on the task. It would take time to make it a reliable skill.
I was still the underdog, but now I had proven to MYSELF that I had some control over whether or not I succeeded. It became so obvious to me that day - I was gonna be the best. How could anyone stop me?
That year, at age 17, I learned that I had a gift that was different from my fellow students. You see, my peers knew how to sound good. But me... I knew WHY they sounded good. I understood the building blocks of vocal sounds in a way that they didn't. I could hear what the body was doing...
When the average person hears someone sing, they say things like, "Oh he sounds good, or she sounds bad, or they are flat, or he is sharp." However, when I would hear someone sing, I'd think, " He sounds good because of his breath support and balanced registers, she sounds bad because of tension in her jaw, they are flat because they are pushing their sound outward instead of relaxing and resonating, he is sharp because he's squeezing his abdomen." I understood the roots of vocal production. I wouldn't begin to fully realize the power that I had until nearly 2 years later. I didn't know it at the time on that rough first day of class, but things were gonna really turn around for me in a big way.
Next... Chapter 5 - More Crazy Dr. Ware methods and my first Operatic performance